SAD

(I wrote this one when I was 15 and suicidal... typical adolescent??)

I am a person
One that’s very sad
I forge my temporary happiness
But inside I am sad as death
I want to breakdown
I want to so bad
But whenever I try to
Something holds me back
Is death an answer?
Or is it only momentary
Maybe the second I die
I discover it’s not satisfactory
I want to hurt myself
To see if it will hurt
To see if I matter
Will I ever be heard?
I am misunderstood
And maybe even despised
By the people I love most
What if I died?
How many will feel a difference
How many will grief
I think maybe a couple
But never more than three
I am a very sad person
It violates my rights
I show off my pride
No one knows how sad
How broken my heart is
No one knows how mad
At life this girl is
This happy laughing girl
Who makes people smile
Who has a lot of pain
Over her sad little life
This girl is very deep
Deepest than hell’s darkest holes
She’s filled with heartache
And mind-ache and woe
She feels her soul declining
Way down to her ankles
She feels her only love
To her music and her canvas
She wants to let it out
Let the whole world know
That this little girl
Is not the one they know
The one she really is
Is bitter, hard, and bold
Lonely, sad, and cruel
And, fast, she’s getting old
Her heart is getting weak
Her soul is wearing out
Her mind has too much on it
She just wants to break down
And break down she wants
To rest her little brain
To rest her little heart
She can’t be alone
Without crying tears
Even in bathroom stalls
She sheds salty seas
She finds it hard to love
It's hard for her to emote
Her puny little heart
Will not let her grow
She wants to go back
Way back in time
When she was a baby girl
And all it takes is a smile
To capture hearts and hearts
Of those within a mile
But now she has to lie
She can’t show them her true self
She has to fake and falsify
Play games, and play around
But she can never say why

ISIS - The Adolescent