I HOPE...

(I just found these poems I wrote when I was a teenager, I wrote this one when I was 16, depressed, and apparently suicidal as well... but aren't all 16 year olds??)

How much I hope to stay
To live, to love, to graduate
How many will ever mourn for me
One, two, not more than three
Staying here brings pain
Rejection, agony, a dirty stain
My tears are not what they used to be
Precious diamonds are now so cheap
My being, alone, is a gruesome wreath
It needs an end, a premenant rest
How much I want to be within
A ‘redwood box’ with my life, my sin
The only offensive act I’ve done
Is that I’m here, I’m still not gone
Not so many springs have passed
So many taints have shamed my past
My old people don’t understand
That punishment won’t make me stand
The very few that stood by me
Are now exhausted of counseling me
The very few whom I have treasured
Are now ashamed of what I’ve developed
My life is but a memory box
Mixed memories, a paradox
Everything seems wrong to me
And everything I’ve done will be
A mark, a scar, just inside of me
All the things that I’ve lost through out this life
Will never ever come back to me
I made mistakes, so many mistakes
And when I have another chance that I Take
The same mistake
Why do people always judge by the cover
Why does life have to make me suffer
I wish, I hope I can still go on
To say the truth I won’t hold on strong

I’ll let go

I’ll take this one sole chance
To rest, relax, let everyone dance

To everybody I’ve ever met:
I’m sorry, guilty, full of regret
The time is here for me to fly
The time is here to say
Buh-Bye!

ISIS - At Bittersweet Sixteen