Chasers War On Everything - Americans

(VIDEO WAS EMAILED TO ME - NO COMMENT)



Nothing is changing or maybe changing to the worse. Still I wonder why do I feel so negative? Why is it that I feel I don’t care? Is it because mere caring will not change anything and will only get me worried, frustrated, and disappointed? Or am I giving up? Giving up on myself and giving up on caring? It’s not like I was doing a lot to begin with. I only cared… I only gave a crap… and expressed it. I was writing to ventilate my own reaction to things taking place in and around my life. I feel I was desenthatized. Sometimes, every body gets like that. I’m getting this eerie feeling of hopelessness and indifferent. Is it maybe my personal life? One of my friends says she has more important things to think about whenever an issue with any impact is brought into discussion in her presence. She truly could not care less… and she admits it blatantly. However, sometimes what happens in someone’s personal life feels more momentous than what happens outside it. I just completed my 9th month of being off drugs and things are getting weird. I mean I can’t believe that I did spend 9 consecutive months without relapsing. I never even in my wildest dreams ever imagine that there will come a day when I will be actually off drugs. So the big question is here really… “Am I really gonna spend the entire remainder of my days sober and will never get high ever ever again??” That really overwhelms the crap out of me. But I guess if I just take it one day at a time like I’ve done so far I can manage. Because now I’m just trying to find myself… or rather explore the new me… and I’m bound to make mistakes. I did try to replace my addiction. Replace it with activities or with people… and I did run into a couple of worthless people, and that taught me something – a person doesn’t need to have ever taken drugs to be a complete waste of skin by God…BUT ANYWAY… I had an ‘interesting’ winter break and now I’m back in school (like umm university). I’m taking a combination of extremely difficult courses this semester, including a 500 level (Masters level) course. I will make my best effort to write at least a post every week so people won’t think I’m dead. Sorry to bore you with my boring life details and emotional outburst, but where else can I be heard, right?